Best Friends With Life

Where to start…

Tomorrow I’ll be 23 weeks. Both babies are thriving, they’re doing so, so well – at my expense, of course.

I’ve had a pretty shit time being pregnant, but aside from the hematoma, there’s nothing that has directly impacted the babies. I’m the one who is truly suffering but amongst all the misery is so much excitement and an abundance of love. I’m really am so excited to meet them!

I don’t recognise my body anymore, physically and physiologically. My stamina is at ZERO. I don’t have the strength or energy to do anything. I suffer from lightheadedness, palpitations and breathlessness and I still don’t know what the trigger is. I’ve had an episode where I completely blacked out, so now I can’t drive, and if I do, it’s only for short distances in case I lose consciousness behind the wheel! I can usually feel an episode coming so I do have some warning as I tend to get breathless and my heart starts racing, but the worst thing would be to be somewhere where I can’t easily stop my car – so no driving for me!

I’m barely comfortable in my body; I can’t lay on my back, I can’t lay on my right side, I can barely sit up, so the only position that works is laying on my left side. All day, everyday, I’m laying on my left side or else I’ll have another blackout episode. I’m basically bed bound and really fear having to leave the house in case the palpitations and dizziness are triggered. The nausea and vomiting have been gone for weeks now but this is the next chapter of my pregnancy sickness journey, ha! That elusive second trimester energy… Yeah… Not for me, not with twins anyway.

I’ll be moving to my parents in CapitalCity somewhere around the start of my third trimester, which is literally a month away, in fact, my maternity leave starts in just under two months now! I can’t believe how far I’ve come! I just want to settle in so we can start preparing the space for the babies. We’ve already done extensive work to our home. We’ve had new wooden floors fitted in all the upstairs rooms, the landing and the stairs. The staircase also has bannisters added, which has been a long time coming considering how much support I need to just walk up the stairs! We’re looking to set the smallest room up for the twins but they won’t be moving in there until they’re at least six months. The first three or four months of their lives will be spent at my parents. Telis and I will basically move into one of the bedrooms with the babies sharing a cot. We’ll have my parents and family’s help caring for them and hopefully that will take a lot of the pressure off Telis and I.

There are so many things that we still need to buy; cots and travel systems being the main big items. I said after the 20 week anatomy scan we’d go for it, but then we’ve just spent so much on the floors and then we’ll spend another small fortune on the car to fix some work that needs doing to it so it just never feels like the right time. Or maybe I’m procrastinating. I keep looking at baby clothes but I can never really pull the trigger on purchasing any of it, and these items are cheap!

I absolutely and completely believe that these babies are coming and I will meet them. They’ll be viable (with extensive medical intervention) in just one week and they have no observed congenital issues so whenever they come, all will be well but omg there’s still lots to do!

And as terrible as I feel, I just need them to stay in there for as long as they can, until I’m induced at 37 weeks. They’re constantly kicking away and seem generally well. I love singing to them and sometimes I have Telis talk to them. I’m so happy that they’re here with me. It’s been a fucking journey but we’ve all really come a long way.

December 2023 can’t come soon enough!

Telis reckons we’re having a boy and a girl. At my 20 week scan, he made sure to take a good look at the genital area and I made sure to look away. Thankfully, nothing was confirmed by the sonographer, because I really don’t want to know and I am absolutely not taking Telis‘ untrained word for it. My only suspicion is that we’re having at least one girl but there’s been nothing on any scan that has swayed that opinion in either way. One of the babies looks like my mother, well at least the side profile of their face. That baby just looks blackity black black!

But, without knowing their genders, we’ll need to come up with two boy and two girl names… So naming these little humans is going to be an absolute nightmare but that’s a post for another day.

Last time I checked in, I had a scare because I was bleeding but both babies were fine. The bleeding persisted and after my scan at the ultrasound clinic, I finally had my appointment at the EPU. Of course, we had seen the babies the Thursday before and they were doing great but you never know what to expect because things can really change from one day to the next.

Thankfully, again, both babies were seen, hearts flickering away and much bigger than they were the Thursday before! But they also had an unwelcome guest chilling alongside them – a 4cm subchorionic hematoma (SCH). This is what was causing all the bleeding. It’s frustrating because the sign of blood is always stressful and never reassuring but usually SCHs don’t pose too much of an issue – until it does…

Today I am 10+5 and still spotting. I’ve since had a scan at 8+4 and how my babies have grown! Their little bodies twitching away with strong heartbeats and good CRL sizes! They were both measuring ahead, which is a relief considering Oyster had stopped growing at around 8 weeks. The twins had both surpassed his final size at that point. The SCH was still there and still large, but for now, wasn’t causing any issues.

My next scan is at 11 weeks, which is this Friday. But before I get into that, can I just vent at how unbearable the first trimester is!

I’ve been so sick. Omg… The nausea, the vomiting, the indigestion, the acid reflux. I am tired! I feel like a fucking host. Like my body has been taken over and I have no control over what it does. I don’t know how or what to eat to make me feel better. I’m struggling to exist in my body, everything is just uncomfortable, nothing feels normal, I don’t feel normal. I just want to go back to feeling like myself again. I don’t think I could do another pregnancy again, it’s actually too much. My boobs are in pain and growing non-stop, they’re huge right now and that’s even before my milk has come in, so how big will they eventually get?! They said the second trimester will be better and symptoms will start reducing but it looks like that won’t be the case for me.

And then my mother and her near-constant harassment. It got to a point where she was calling, messaging and emailing me everyday, multiple times a day! There was no escaping her. My sisters had to tell her to back off, which thankfully worked because the frequency has reduced but of course, all she wants to talk about is babies, babies, babies. And thanks to her and my dad, now her sisters know that I’m pregnant too! I really wanted to keep it a secret so I wouldn’t have to share bad news with too many people in case the unfortunate happened. I do regret telling my parents to be honest.

I went to visit my parents last Friday as I was in CapitalCity for a wedding coordination client meeting so I thought I may as well visit since I’m around. I had specifically said to my mother that I didn’t want anyone buying anything for these babies just yet as it’s too early, we don’t know how this pregnancy will pan out, but she clearly doesn’t listen to me because when I arrived, I found boxes (plural) of baby items that she had bought!! I was so upset! We hadn’t discussed this! There are things that I would want to do and buy as a first time mother that she’s essentially taken away from me. Products that I’d want to do my own research on and choose myself. It really sucks and even though she says that’s the last of the things she’ll buy, I don’t believe her! I really do regret telling them…

My mother’s youngest sister, Aunty Muffy, isn’t any better herself. She told me that she has also bought me a baby changing bag, wonderful… But again… What if I don’t like it?! Anyway, whilst at my parents, I had seen that my Aunty Muffy had left me with some of her old midwifing items, including a fetal doppler; my Aunty used to be a midwife but now works in a different field within healthcare. Telis and I were so excited to hear the babies’ heartbeats with it and were quick to whip it out and give it a go, but it didn’t work! I sent Telis and my dad out to buy new batteries for it and upon their return, we put it in and, it didn’t work! It was disappointing but we thought maybe we were doing something wrong, so took it with us and went to Aunty Muffy’s place so she could have a try, but it looked like it was spent and we weren’t going to hear our babies’ heartbeats that day. We did however decide to just buy our own fetal doppler and it arrived yesterday!

I was able to locate both babies’ heartbeats and they were very strong. Relief is an understatement because it’s been a while since I’ve seen them and I’m constantly worrying about their wellbeing. But they were both there, and surviving!

My appointment on Friday is with a consultant obstetrician. It was organised by my Aunty Muffy as she used to work alongside this consultant when she was a midwife and she knows how good he is. She suggested I give birth at her hospital as she would be able to align the right people to be in charge of my care. This hospital is in CapitalCity so we would need to be near during my last few weeks of pregnancy, which, I guess, we’ll sort out as we get closer to the time. But Telis was pretty insistent that we go somewhere where I’d be looked after and taken seriously. I would prefer to give birth closer to home, but the safety of these babies is paramount, so whatever is best.

I just hope that they’re healthy. They’ll be tested for chromosomal abnormalities soon, and I just worry that something will be wrong with them. I really hope that things will be well with them. I want them to continue thriving and surpassing goals!

I still can’t say it feels real yet. I don’t feel like I’m out of the woods and I’m definitely still guarding my heart but with each milestone they pass, I do feel a little better. I’m not confident enough to buy anything for them or even properly imagine a future with them but I’ll absolutely celebrate the little things that they achieve and feel glad about it.

So, to follow on from my last post, the second beta came back with an equally crazy high number.

At 13dp5dt – 18 DPO – my hCG levels were 4110 IU/L!

Actual madness!

That can’t only be twins, can it? Because what?! I’m certain one or both embryos have split because how are my levels that high?!

Anyway, I know how many I’m carrying, because I’ve seen them! Yes, them – plural!

Hehe.

So, the pregnancy is progressing and I’m moving along the weeks. Then at five weeks, the nausea hits me. A whole two weeks earlier than with Oyster. But it’s ok, I’m alive, I’m coping. But it gets worse and worse and worse. Then at 5+4, it’s unbearable. I’m vomiting. And then I’m bleeding from my vagina and worry sets in.

Telis and I are panicking, thinking the worst. What if we’ve lost one baby or more?

We call my GP and manage to get a referral and an appointment at the Early Pregnancy Unit for Monday (this is all happening on Thursday) but that’s too far away, so I call the doctor’s office where I booked in my scan for this coming Wednesday and they don’t have any other sooner appointments!

So, I made an appointment at a ultrasound clinic last minute and within the hour, we were out of the house making our way there. We just couldn’t wait. I’m bleeding whilst it seems like my nausea has disappeared (spoiler – it hadn’t) and we’re really imagining the worst.

The scan was a relief to say the least. There they were. My two perfect embryos with heartbeats flickering away. One measuring ahead and the other measuring exact.

The bleeding has persisted but they’re there. Phew!

Then Thursday evening, I felt worse. The nausea that seemingly disappeared came back with a vengeance and then some. And I’m throwing up and I’m not coping and I feel terrible and I want my mother!

I call my mother, I tell her I’m pregnant with twins and I’m throwing up. And she’s rejoicing and it’s all smiles and laughter and prayer and madness. But I’m dying! Like, just come and save me or something.

I’m not doing well. Friday comes around and I’m terribly unwell, throwing up and I’m just done! And then, red blood!

Telis calls the hyperemesis gravidarum clinic and they tell him to take me to A&E. So, off to A&E we go. I’m seen to pretty quickly, with cannula in my arm and fluids being pushed in, then I’m hooked up to a drip and I feel human again. Oh my goodness, I’m alive. We’re there for a few hours while I’m on the drip, then I’m seen to by the gynae, who looks over my vagina. She says my cervix is closed, which is good news, then I’m prescribed anti-nausea meds. And then off home we go.

My parents are there waiting for me and my mum is so overwhelmed with her joy, all she can talk about is pregnancy and twins and everything that I don’t want to hear just yet. I tell her not to get too ahead of herself, we still have a long way to go, but she can’t help herself.

She’s praying and telling me to pray, as if I’m going to do that. If I pray, something will go wrong. She keeps going on about how God did this, but did he?

Telis left for CapitalCity straight after we got home as he has a wine course and wine exam this weekend, so it’s just me and my parents. They left today evening.

Today, I’ve felt ok. I’ve had my moments but I’ve mostly felt fine and I haven’t taken any of the anti-nausea meds. I just want to reduce how often I take them. If I can bear it, then I’ll hold off from the meds, but if it gets really bad, then I will take them.

But yeah, twins. I had a lovely Fridarian sonographer. She was great and I was able to capture a video of my babies. They’re doing so well, despite everything going on with me. I want them to live, but we have such a long way to go, but at least we’ve reached another milestone. We’ve seen viable embryos. Now to just survive the first trimester. So, please babies, survive.

I had my beta blood test yesterday.

So, from the results we received… I can’t be certain that there isn’t more than two babies in there. In fact, I’ve convinced myself it’s triplets.

At 9dp5dt – 14 DPO – 4 weeks – my beta was 512 IU/L.

What??

I mean, yeah, I’m pregnant but what?!

When the number sunk in, I could not comprehend because, what?!

That is so high! So, so high! With Oyster, my results were 176 IU/L. This is almost triple Oyster’s levels and I thought Oyster’s was high!

So, I think it’s safe to say that there’s at least two in there, but could there be more?!

One or two very strong babies with strong betas is great, however, we can’t ignore that there is a possibility for triplets or even quads!

I truly believed that our beta levels would be in the 300s, in line with twins because I just knew both had implanted, but for one or both to split? Wow!

I’m not against triplets but I’d be so scared throughout the whole pregnancy. I don’t want to lose any of them. I want to meet all the babies that are inside me.

I have my second blood test on Tuesday, so let’s see what my numbers say then.

Then my six week scan! Will we see one, two, three or four?!

Stay tuned.

I’m 3 weeks and 5 days pregnant today. I did another test this morning, actually, I peed and Telis dipped. He wanted to be involved and insisted I wake him up when next I tested.

Anyway, the line was stronger today. It’s either one very strong embryo, twins or even triplets but there’s nothing about the line that suggests quads so I think we’re safe from that. It’s probably just two anyway.

I feel so much better! I have no urge to do anymore pregnancy tests. My anxiety is mostly based on my historical experiences and since I have strong tests, I know that my embryos are fully secure in there. The hard part will be approaching eight weeks. After my six week scan, I will probably go for a scan every two weeks up until week 16. It’ll be expensive but I need to maintain some sanity!

I think 16 weeks is also a good time to start telling people. Only Sana and Bailey know at the moment.

Like I said, I want to enjoy this pregnancy so I will start taking bump progression photos from Friday! I’ve also downloaded pregnancy apps and joined pregnancy groups on reddit. Maybe it’s a bit premature but women who conceive unassisted don’t restrain themselves from doing these things so I won’t either.

I’m just so excited to be pregnant! I want to meet these babies! I don’t want to lose them at all. I still haven’t prayed and so far this whole process has gone smoothly. It’s just so reassuring that the follicle growth and blastocyst attrition was kind to me. And then the scheduling for the embryo transfer was super straightforward; there were never any unexpected complications along the way. I absolutely recognise how fortunate I am and I feel so blessed to have gotten to this stage so easily. Now I just need an easy pregnancy with two or more take home babies at the end!

My sweet little Pea and Bean! I can’t wait to meet you both!

I’m pregnant!

I’ve never been so scared to take a pregnancy test. I had already tested two days ago at 3dp5dt and got a very faint, barely there line, but today, I felt so sick with anxiety, dipping the test into my urine with shaky, unsteady hands.

I was stuck between the experiences of my last embryo transfer where the test line didn’t progress and my miscarriage with Oyster. It felt like the fate of this pregnancy would be either/or.

So far, the line today has been pretty strong. I’d say it’s equivalent to Oyster’s at 7dp5dt. There’s every chance both embryos implanted but I’m taking things a day at a time and not getting ahead of myself.

As anxious and worried as I am, I really do want to enjoy this pregnancy. I don’t want to look back and only be reminded of a miserable time. I want to remember that I tried to be happy.

I have my beta blood test on Friday. Since I love predicting things, I’m going to guess that my hCG results will be in the 300s. Whatever it is, all I want is a healthy pregnancy with a healthy baby(-ies).

My symptoms have been pretty strong and dare I say it – obvious. I knew things were happening but I’ve had moments these past few days where I’ve completely freaked out, expecting the worst for my embryos.

The day after my embryo transfer, I woke up to one really red left eye. My blood vessels were completely inflamed. I hadn’t had an injury and or any irritant enter my eye so it was a bit random. The redness persisted for well over 24 hours but started going down the next day. Telis and I, however, came to the same conclusion, that it was a symptom of implantation. Something similar happened with Oyster; I had a random nose bleed, something that never happens. So it seems that my body’s reaction to implantation is burst or swollen blood vessels.

My mother in law took me to the Ophthalmologist who checked over my eyes and said there was nothing wrong. I’m probably losing my 20/20 vision however, but that’s a story for another day.

Anyway, that day (1dpt) was mostly quiet in terms of uterine activity but I did have a moment of heaviness in my uterus. The next day, that’s when things really started ramping up. Lots of non-stop cramps, very itchy skin, aching in my lower back, prominent blood vessels on my hand, wrist and arms. Then 3dpt, more cramps. Telis and I were travelling back to Deraland on that Friday, so I was really conscious about how much the stress of travelling would impact things, but it’s looking like, so far so good. Telis, bless him, wouldn’t let me lift a thing, so he had to handle our two cabin bags by himself whenever any lifting was necessary. I was happy to drag mine along and even carry a backpack, but I made sure not to over-exert myself. Today, I carried my full suitcase upstairs and now he’s not talking to me. Whatever.

I definitely feel relieved and a little less worried. Obviously, anything can happen between now and my blood test but I’ve already surpassed my last transferred embryo, so that’s something. My initial worry was that there would be no line progression, now I can just worry about miscarriages instead!

Let’s get it!

Two 4AA embryos are officially making a home in my womb as of today.

I’m not going to lie, I slept like a baby yesterday. When expectations are at zero, worrying isn’t even on the radar.

Will it work? Probably. Will I have twins? Likely. Will I get to meet them? I don’t know.

Today is day zero so I don’t expect much to be happening in there. The catheter that they placed through my cervix into my uterus, its presence is probably still reverberating through my uterus, so apart from that, I’m not feeling anything that would suggest implantation has started yet. Tomorrow, however, will be interesting.

I don’t know, having gotten pregnant before, I know my body can do it, so it’s not a matter of if (touch wood), but mostly a matter of when. My biggest apprehension will come when I reach 8 weeks, which is around the time I lost my little Oyster. I just hope that them being better grades will mean that they make the distance.

We’ve certainly done better than last time. We made four A grade embryos and four B grades. I’m definitely pleased with our clinic, they’ve been and done amazing!

Now, not only do I need these embryos to stick, I also need them to grow and flourish and survive!

* * *

Looking at my previous entry, it’s funny how I correctly predicted my transfer date. I knew it would be this week and I felt that the most likely date would be the 19th if they decided to start me on progesterone on the 14th day of my cycle. And they did!

It could have been earlier to be honest, because on day 11, my lining was at 8.6mm which is a good thickness, so they could have had me start progesterone the day after, with transfer on the 17th – which was another likely date. But my doctor wanted it to thicken a bit more. I don’t know the final thickness of my lining but I do know it was at least thick enough earlier on.

I’m currently on progesterone injections as well as the usual pessaries and my god those injections suck! The injection site stays super sore for well over 24 hours but the impact on my breasts – ouch! They’re just like period boobs. Stupidly sore and swollen. It’s good to know that they’re definitely working, but my breasts don’t need to be in so much pain! I never reacted this much to the pessaries so it’s a wonder if I was even getting enough progesterone? Maybe I was and now I’m getting too much? Anyway, it’s all speculation.

We’re still keeping this IVF cycle a secret. My family knows I’m in Telisland this time around but they don’t know that I was there two months ago to start the journey. Only a select number of people know we’re doing this, and they’re the people who won’t press or come to us with toxic positivity. I have my friend’s Sana’s wedding next month and my family will be there. If both embryos take, I just hope I won’t be showing yet. I’ll be about 8 weeks so I should be OK. I just want to wait until the second trimester is properly established before telling anyone. I can’t let anyone face disappointment again.

My time in Telisland has been lovely, I partook in most of their Easter traditions and celebrations, it was nice. Telis and I will be leaving on Saturday, so I have a few days to let these embryos take root and then we fly home to our kitty cats.

My sister Elfa has also come out to me. I mean, I always suspected but she finally told me. She’s been scared to tell me, for some reason. I thought I was a pretty easy-going, openminded, non-judgemental person but I guess it’s different when it’s you’re family you’re coming out to. I’m just scared for her and how family will respond to it if she ever shares it with them but that’s something we’ll deal with when we get there.

Eight embryos.

We got eight embryos.

I’m scared to say that I’m happy, or grateful, or pleased.

I derive no joy from this news. I know it’s good news but it’s a very loaded type of good news.

What are the implications of our success?

More failure? Disappoint? A second, third, fourth miscarriage?

The universe is just waiting for me to express any form of happiness before snatching it all away from me.

What if my pregnancies are never safe? What if this target on my back is permanent?

I don’t know if I’m allowed to think ahead at my potential pregnancy and plan for it.

Would buying a cot or pushchair at 36 weeks be too premature? Would I be testing fate? Getting too ahead of myself?

Am I only safe once the baby is in my arms breathing or will I still be at risk of losing them?

When can I be happy? Why is life taking so much away from me?

We have our frozen embryo transfer booked in for sometime in April. My period started yesterday so I’m currently on birth control pills, which I’ll take until the 28th March, then I’ll bleed. That bleed will be the first day of my next cycle, then I will start taking estrogen pills to thicken up my uterine lining before adding progesterone into the mix. From my calculations, my transfer will be on or around the 19th April. Of course, the fool that I am, I have calculated my potential due date; 5th January 2024 if I’m having one baby and 15th December if twins.

I’ve been freaking out about having two embryos transferred. All these questions and scenarios in my head, but I’m trying to trust the process. My doctor has done so well to get us to where we currently are, now I’ll let him finish what he’s started. I just fear that putting two embryos back will be a waste if my uterine environment isn’t receptive to them, or that if one is weak, it’ll bring the other down. Also the potential for pregnancy and birth complications. It’s all very scary. But I will continue to sit tight and let things happen to and for me instead of taking an active role in my life, I seem to be attract bad luck.

My middle sister Elfa turns 25 tomorrow! Shocking! That’s the age I started this journal. I wonder if my mindset and writing has changed from when I was 25. Maybe I’ll read back to earlier entries and see the child I really was.

Recently I’ve been really feeling… older. It’s weird. Telis‘ hair is greying, his friends are balding and these are my peers. I too am like them, I’m ageing. I feel sad for my disappearing youth. I don’t know if I act any older than I did at 25 but I’m not 25 anymore. I’m 30 and only getting older. When I look in the mirror, will I stop recognising myself? If so, when?

I don’t know man…

Life is weird.

I wonder if God knows I’m not talking to him. I’ve made it a point to not direct any of my thoughts or questions to him. Ain’t no way I’m saying a prayer. Every prayer has been taken, twisted and turned into something ugly. No, no, no. God doesn’t care about me so I have nothing to say.

There was definitely a lot of apprehension on Saturday. More so from Telis than me. I was like, ‘just chill, they’ll email us with our numbers” but Telis couldn’t wait and I eventually gave him permission to ask.

He saw the email before I did but once I head, “YES! YES! YES!” I knew it could only be good news, but there’s good and then there’s great news. I’m definitely pleased but I’m trying not to get too ahead of myself with excitement, they still need to form blastocysts.

But, from 17 eggs collected, 15 were mature and 12 fertilised.

I-

Yeah.

I want to say more but I fear the jest of the universe. I haven’t prayed at all. Nor have I said “I hope” or “I wish”. I try to keep any good or positive thoughts and feelings repressed. I know the moment I put it out into the universe I’ll get the complete opposite to what I want. So I’ve asked for nothing and hoped for nothing. There’s no happiness to be found in the little bit of good that happens to me.

If my embryo transfer is successful, at what point will I be able to be glad about it? After 12 weeks? 9 months? The moment I open my mouth or my mind about it, I’m sure it’ll all go wrong. If I get ahead of myself and take bump progression photos, or download an app to track my growing fetus, will that destroy all chances for me? Will I lose my baby(-ies) again?

It feels like a double edged sword either way I look at it. I’m too happy, something goes wrong, I blame myself. I’m too miserable, nothing goes wrong, I miss out on my pregnancy.

Ok, but I just want to know where he found 17 eggs from and how 15 managed to be mature. My spreadsheet does not show 15 potentially mature oocytes! I’m not complaining, I’m definitely pleased but what magic did he work on my ovaries?! Maybe this is the power of no-prayer.

Anyway, Thursday is blastocyst update day. Let’s see how that goes.

So, the end of my IVF cycle is here, concluded by the collection of my oocytes.

The ten days of stimming that I endured was definitely unlike what I experienced with my last cycle. There was definitely a lot of discomfort this time around, I was skulking around like a thief in the night trying not to disturb my full and heavy ovaries. It got to the point where my ovaries were kissing! Omg! They got so big that they were touching! And it fucking hurt too. I was so over it.

I triggered on Wednesday evening. The trigger was the worst injection I’d ever administered in my life. Omg it burnt going in. And then left me in excruciating pain for at least two minutes. I hated it. I was worried that I’d done something wrong and my eggs wouldn’t mature. However, this morning I felt ovulation pain. And then I was freaking out that I’d ovulate before collection and lose all my eggs!

Obviously, that didn’t happen, although I probably lost one or two.

My first scan allowed us to breathe a temporary sigh of relief. We saw growth with multiple follicles recruited and they were all growing at an even rate, no random dominant follicle stealing all of the meds. My doctor was definitely very blasé about counting and measuring the follicles but I got a rough idea of how many I had. I asked if next time I could get an actual follicle count and he said they’d create a report for me. So next scan, he saved some pics of my ovaries but I also had Telis on standby to tally up all the follicles that were counted and their sizes.

The doctor also increased my dosage of stims, which was pretty shocking as I felt I was responding quite well on my initial dose. But whatever, he knows best.

Last scan, again, was pretty much a quick glance around with quick measurements of follicles but he also said I was ready to trigger as I had three follicles at 18mm. Based on the follicles that were counted, I was expecting maybe 13 follicles with nine mature. The doctor said to expect between 15 and 20, with 85% mature. I was just thinking where he would find those extra follicles from. Anyway, I knew he probably missed some but he knows what he saw.

Collection day was today! I really like being put under! It took them three attempts to find a vein for my IV line and ended up putting it in my hand, which sucked. But being put under is so fun! I felt the drowsiness from anaesthesia, smiling and thinking, time to sleep, then I was waking up! So wild!

Telis produced his sample behind the scenes. He said he struggled a bit but got there in the end. We were told the sample was good, so we can only hope the coming together of our genetic material is a successful one.

In the end, I got 17 eggs. Where they found those extra two eggs is beyond me. I still expect just nine to be mature, but what do I know. Tomorrow we’ll get an update on the numbers fertilised and then next week we’ll know how many blastocysts we have. They’ll then freeze the embryos in pairs and we’ll probably do the transfer next month. I could do it with my first period but I have work commitments at the end of the month that I don’t want to miss, so April it is.

I’m a bit sore, but not as bad as with full, kissing ovaries. No sign of OHSS either, which is great. I don’t know where my E2 levels ended up because they weren’t measured at the last two scans! But with 17 eggs, I can only imagine that they were a tad bit high. I’m just disappointed that my ovaries didn’t fulfil their full potential, there was definitely capacity for 30 follicles to grow but if I can get at least two kids out of this, then it doesn’t even matter!

Here is the summary of this cycle!