Friday, 6th August, 2021

It hurts. My heart feels like it’s breaking. I can’t believe I’m still here. I can’t do it anymore.

I’ve tried everything. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong. I just wish someone would tell me.

I can’t keep going on like this. There has to be an end. One more month and I’ll officially be classed as infertile. I can’t believe this is my life. I didn’t think this would happen to me. But I also knew this would happen to me.

I just don’t know what I’ve done. I’ve always thought I’m a good person. I try to do good to others, help others but I must be doing something wrong.

If it can’t happen naturally after a year, then it definitely means there’s something wrong. Why has my body failed me. What did I do wrong?

I want to scream and shout. I feel so overwhelmed, I don’t know what to do with myself.

Am I a bad person? Is this why this is happening?

I know the right thing to do is to stop wanting kids. I know this is my lot in life.

I’m sad that I have to mourn a life without children but the sooner I accept it, the quicker I can move on with my life.

I can’t be consumed by this. I can’t spend the next x number of years like this. I’m done! I can’t do it anymore.

I always thought I’d be a mother, but there are some things in life you can’t control, so I will say goodbye to this dream and look towards a new one.