I’m hurt. I feel like someone took my heart and held it in the grip of their hand, squeezing the very essence of my being away.
A small moment that could have ended with a reassuring hug turned into one of the worst moments of my whole life.
I am disgusted and I am disappointed.
I had a brief moment of insecurity. I looked in the mirror and all I saw was ugly. I was ugly. I felt ugly. And I didn’t like it. My face has broken out in rashes caused by an allergy to something and my bottom lip now sports a lovely cold sore. Needless to say, ‘ugly’ doesn’t cover it.
Right now, I’m in hysterics. I can’t hold back the tears. I’m shaking from the shock of it all. I am so very hurt and the treatment that I was subjected to was uncalled for and damn right heartless.
What happened was, I was laying in bed beside Igor and I started crying because I felt ugly. He asked me what was wrong and I told him I felt ugly. I expected him to maybe put his arm around me and tell me that I was only Quasimodo levels of ugly and then hold me. But the reality was, he didn’t care. He just kept asking me what was wrong then dumped a tissue on my head and told me to blow my nose.
OK.
I kept crying because at this point not only did I feel ugly, I felt unwanted too.
Then he started getting angry at me for crying, telling me I was making a scene and crying for no reason.
It escalated from worse to catastrophe.
In a single moment the one person I wanted and trusted to comfort and console me turned into a heartless and repulsive monster who I suddenly wanted nothing to do with.
I then started to get dressed so that I could leave. I felt discarded. Like a piece of dog shit on the ground – not even worth the consideration.
He got even more agitated and said if I go I should never come back.
At this point, I was manically in tears. I was shocked. And confused. So confused. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Yet here I was being penalised for crying.
And Igor’s only concern was to save face. To not disturb the house – not that I was making any noise.
He didn’t show an ounce of care or consideration for me. Then he called me an idiot.
I’m so hurt. In fact, I’m heart broken. I never expected this from him at all. My heart feels so hurt and I can’t stop crying.
I just wanted him to hold me.
I saw the ugliest side to him ever. That he could look at me and not even see a girl that he cared about kills me. Am I really not worth shit? That I’d get branded an idiot? For feeling a little bit insecure and expressing my emotions?
I am repulsed to say the least. Such disgusting behaving. Never in my life have I ever been treated in such a way.
I’d be crazy to say I’d want to be with someone like him. He’s a callous, cruel, cold and heartless son of a bitch and I deserve better.
I’m done.
He’s a horrible, horrible person. The worst that I’ve ever been with.