I’m ready to be done with this life. My goodness why am I still here?
I’ve done my research. Apparently, an overdose is rarely successful and I’ll basically need to wait for my liver to pack in, which’ll take a painful while, and with a suicide, a prolonged death isn’t ideal.
Asphyxiation with nitrogen seems a lot more painless and you don’t get that suffocation feeling you’d get when drowning or something.
I was also thinking, when my rabbit was put to sleep, it was probably very easy and peaceful for him and I’d like to go that way. I’d have to find a drug that can put me to sleep like that.
Quickest most efficient way would be to jump from a very tall building but it just seems so messy. But it’s also an almost guaranteed death. With all the other methods, I worry they won’t work and I’ll end up alive but with brain damage, or in a much worse situation.
I’ll keep thinking about it but I haven’t found a way that really speaks to me.
I’ve been pretty ill this past week. It must be a stomach bug as everything I eat gives me diarrhoea. I actually don’t mind if it kills me, it just needs to hurry up and do so.
My husband is annoying and I’d rather he just leaves me alone. To be honest, I’d rather everyone leaves me alone.
I messaged Daye on the weekend. She’s due to give birth this month to a girl. I’m happy for her but I just feel so much shame at my predicament. That the last time we were together I was so excited to be pregnant and have her with me at my midwife appointment. I don’t know. The thought of it makes my head burn. I don’t know, man. I really can’t live this life.
I have suicide notes to write.