Still infertile.
9DPO so about two days away from disappointment. I can’t wait!
My mother called me up some time this cycle that God and her spirit were tell her something and that she needed confirmation before talking to me about it.
She said that there was something in my home that was delaying things for us. Something like an idol, made in the image of someone or some god. That in the Bible, it said we should not have idols and whatever it is, we need to he rid of it. Unfortunately, that basically meant all of Telis‘ Telisian statues and vases of gods and philosophers as well as a model of Chinese dragon dancers that our friend’s gave us. Telis was not happy that he’d have to basically remove his culture from our home but we decided the best thing to do would be to give them all away as gifts.
Luckily, the genius that I am, remembered that our friend had a storage unit that we had access to and so instead of getting rid of everything, we’ve stored them away.
I’m not superstitious and as much as I believe in the universe and bad energy, I wouldn’t say I believe that there are demons residing in objects cursing people, however, at this point, I’m willing to try anything. I don’t feel spiritually lighter or less possessed but if it helps my mother sleep at night and helps me get pregnant, then why not?
I’ve also prayed. I found a good infertility prayer and spoke it out loud yesterday. It was really powerful but I feel left behind by God and/or the universe so I feel like it was said in vain but I need to believe!
I also turned a year older last week. 29!!
To think I’m still battling for a baby when I got married at 27. Anyway, for my birthday, Telis and I went away for a road trip around Deraland (where I did all the driving) and met up with siblings, cousins and friends who were at each city that we stayed at. It was nice but I’m glad to be back home with my stalker kitty.
I bought myself a new vibrator and my God is it strong! The day that I ovulated, I orgasmed twice then had sex. Once Telis finished, I played with myself, orgasmed again and squirted!! I thought I wet myself!! It wasn’t explosive, it just kind of dribbled down me but I was shocked! But yeah, I orgasm now! Haha!
Once upon a time, reaching climax was the bane of my sexual experience but I’ve really come a long way. I’m still learning what works for me but I’m glad I’m not broken and can orgasm within minutes as well as squirt!! Who woulda thunk it! Dera the sexual being hehe!
Now to orgasm while having penetrative sex – I will achieve it!
I’ve been really craving spicy food so I’m going to cook today some rice and spicy chicken. Yum!
I wish there was more to say about my infertility but it’s the same as every luteal phase so there’s nothing to report. Just (im)patiently waiting for IVF now.