Having a structured plan has really been the push I’ve needed to start pursuing my craft and releasing content regularly. Everything has been working out so great – I know what I’m doing and when, having set days when I work and when I’m off means I can work hard yet still rest. Sometimes it is overwhelming; I have three consecutive craft days (Sunday, Monday and Tuesday) and that can make me quite stressed but once I’ve released the tension, all is good.
Things with Igor are wonderful. We had a small lover’s tiff this morning because he said I should stop singing and I said I’m never going over to his place again. Anyway it was the first time an argument didn’t leave me feeling confused about the relationship. Usually arguments turn me off him and I start feeling like our relationship is less than perfect, or whatever. But today, I was just like “I still really like this guy and this argument doesn’t make me like him any less. I just don’t want to talk to him right now”.
Little by little I’m getting to the point where I feel like what we have is an actual relationship. Yesterday the sex was great. I didn’t want him to stop. I’m sure I almost orgasmed too. I just felt so connected to him and it was nice.
He’s a good guy. All the overwhelming emotions I felt for him at the beginning were not wrong. They were just overpowering. I’ve calmed down a lot since then but now and again I do get my gut whispering sweet nonsense that I’m choosing to ignore for now.
I read somewhere that said, if thoughts of an ex come into your head, you shouldn’t try and block it. Just let the thoughts play out and eventually they won’t come back. And it’s so true. I had a few days where my ex was a repeat visitor to my mind but now I rarely think of him or even miss him. A couple of times I was almost reduced to tears by thoughts of him because I did miss him, but it’s getting better now. I know it’s natural, he was a big part of my life, and it’s taking such a long time for traces of him to disappear but slowly I am unlearning my bad relationship habits and learning to put my trust in the man that I’ve chosen to hold my heart.
Kudos to Igor for being patient and putting up with my bullshit. New lovers after a breakup tend to have to put up with a lot of stuff. Heartbreak leaves a lot of people broken and having someone who is patient enough to help you put the pieces back together is such a beautiful thing.