As I was on such a high yesterday that I was basically on another planet, I didn’t give much of a play by play of my day.
Basically I give off non-straight vibes. Nice! It doesn’t bother me. I know I rarely dress very feminine so I understand that. I am like a tomboy. I’m not fashionable, nor am I so concerned about my facial appearance (I care but I’m not obsessed). My nails don’t look nice, and I’d rather win guys over with nothing but charm, charisma and a sexy body (which I’m working on). I’m attractive so I really don’t do much to make myself look nicer. I’m enough as I am.
Anyway, Cymric called me while I was at my meetup. I’ll have to return his call today. Tell him EVERYTHING that’s been happening with me.
I also saw Tank this morning. He said I was annoying and that’s why he’s ignoring me. I’ve waved the white flag, extended the olive branch, called for a truce to no avail. It’s ok. He’ll get over it. He literally has no reason to be sad. All because I said he does nothing after work after he said I need to do more… Like all I did was a basic return to sender. Don’t know why that would have upset him so much. Anyway, for once I’m not blaming myself or beating myself up. I’ll let him feel whatever he wants to feel but if he continues to dwell on something that isn’t even a thing, then that’s his own personal problem. I have other things to think about.
This is the least loneliest I’ve felt in a long while. Even with Tank hating me. I just feel like I’m doing something worthwhile and it’s making me happy. I was so overjoyed to see everyone ease into conversation with one another. There was laughter and a certain familiarity amongst the group. It was nice. Even the really quiet ones eventually came out of their shell. This is what I live for!
I even embarked on a craft project yesterday. I will create a YouTube tutorial and upload it for publishing tomorrow. Might even do a quick photoshoot and write a blog post. Busy, busy!
I’ve stopped thinking about settling down and having kids. I think the trick is to keep yourself busy and surrounded by other people. I’ll be ok. 12 months will fly by!
But really, would I ever date a girl? I don’t know. I’m not so into women. I can appreciate a woman’s good looks and physical assets but apart from that, I have no desire to be with one. It’s only a man that can do to me what’s needed.
I know in our chat messages, Cymric said, ‘let’s catch up on the phone’, but I do wonder what he considers me. Am I just a really good friend to him? I want to say that he wouldn’t consider me a sort of friend with benefits because there’s literally no potential for us to sleep with each other on account of him being miles away, but then why would he keep me as a friend? We’re clearly not just friends. Friends don’t do rough and tumble in the bedroom. So since it’s not entirely platonic and yet we’re in no position to sleep with each other, how does our relationship benefit him?!
I’m not saying he doesn’t value me as a person or that he doesn’t like talking to me, but the person Cymric is, he wouldn’t expend energy on something or someone for no reason. I just don’t understand, that’s all. It’s like we’re friends, with added benefits, yet those benefits aren’t accessible. I guess that just makes us friends full stop.
Am I thinking too much about this? Anyway whatever. I’ll take what we’ve got. Friendship is good enough for me.
Can I just say how lovely and helpful having Ashton around at the meetup yesterday was. He was the life of the party and I was so grateful for that. He eased his way into discussions and could carry a conversation with just about anyone. He really did make my job a lot easier. It’s good having someone you know for moral support.