Choking back tears.
I just spoke to a Spanish colleague and his laugh really reminded me of Cymric’s, it was like I was speaking with my friend again.
Just to hear his voice once more…
* * *
I want to leave my job. I’m just getting more restless and frustrated. I hate coming in. I hate my boss. I hate the work. I hate everything about it. I didn’t choose this stupid role. I’m stuck in a position I can’t get out of and I just feel so useless, like what I’m doing is making zero impact.
I also feel like I’m not doing enough. That people see me and think I’m just a waste of resources. I just feel like I’m constantly failing here. I don’t see my contributions rewards so I don’t even know if they count.
I just want to go. I’m tried. It’s annoying.
I have an interview tomorrow and one in two weeks. The one in two weeks is for Company C and tomorrow’s is with Company T. I want the position at Company C because technical knowledge of the product isn’t a requirement and so I won’t be brought down by my lack of experience in that particular technical field.
The next stage of the interview process with Company C was to be a telephone interview but the recruiter called me yesterday and said she wanted to skip that, that the hiring manager wants to meet me. So, that’s promising!
I’m still chafing at the shackles holding me to my current company but slowly I will be free!
I want to hand in my notice right now but I know it’s a stupid move. Nothing is guaranteed and I need to have some sort of insurance to fall back on, even if it’s my current company. It hasn’t gotten to the point where it’s affect my mental health too much. I do get anxiety when I think about going to work, that I’ll be admonished for not doing enough or not performing how I’m expected to. The whole situation from last year just hasn’t helped.
I don’t particularly feel very comfortable in my boss’s team. I’ve had other bosses within the company that I’ve thrived under. I wish I stayed where I was.
This company fucking sucks and I’m fed up.