I’m feeling anxious. I feel like success is running away from me. I’m not one to give up but I just don’t know what to do.
I’ve been working on producing some fashion designs, taking inspiration from everyday items just to get some practice in and my creative juices flowing. But I just don’t know who I am. I know my story, but how do I get that to translate into my designs? What’s my style? My inspiration? My aesthetic? I don’t know. It’s starting to stress me because I’m yet to create anything that shouts, ‘yes! That’s a Dera look!’
I feel like the first step would be research. I don’t know; or perhaps finding themes and fabrics that resonate with me. I know I like simple elegance. I like abstract shapes; that seems to usually work for me when it comes to designing. I also did some cool drafts of dresses inspired by dragon tails that I really liked. But I need an overarching theme and a coherence to my work.
Now that Telis has disappeared for two weeks, I need to use this time alone to make progress on my clothing line. I just don’t want to become complacent because I can’t find something that works for me. If I have to cry, I’ll cry, as long as I’m propelled to action afterwards.
My clothing line seems like the only avenue I’d like to pursue right now. I can’t think of anything else I’m interested in enough that I’d want to quit my job for. Boo, this sucks. I borderline feel lost. I haven’t made any move to climb the career ladder because it’s not my dream. Some people want to be CEO of something someone else built, advancing higher and higher through nothing but hard work and determination in their corporate landscape. But I’m a creative and the only way to get rich as a creative is to make it and make it big, but the competition is fierce and I’ll have to set myself apart in ways beyond the usual. I’m fortunate to have a substantial social media following which I can capitalise on but even that may not be enough.
Now that I’ve sorted out the mess that was my life a few weeks ago, this is my new stressor. I successfully navigated the whole buying a house/needing to find somewhere to rent malarkey, I’ve started searching for new jobs and I’ve properly settled into my new relationship. Everything is calm in my life and so the next thing to focus on is how I can invest in my talents and myself. I did the right thing, however. Trying to juggle a job search, home buying, room renting, learning to drive, a new relationship, my YouTubing, my meetup events organising, my clothing line, all at once would have ended in disaster.
Telis likes to say that I should take things a step at a time. I do tend to overwhelm myself so it’s good that I didn’t feel obliged to do everything at once. Creating content for YouTube is pressure in itself because you have people who depend on your knowledge but I didn’t let that sway me into juggling more than I could handle. Telis really is a calming factor in my life. I love him.
Now I need to stop feeling anxious!!! Everything will work out – it always does.