I guess I’ve been left too long with my thoughts because I feel teary.
Period is due in two days and I know it’s coming. I just don’t want it to.
I hate this. I hate what trying for a family has become – so much for it being something magical. I’m just filled with dread. Another month to not look forward to.
I just want to cry. Cry for the blood that’s due to spill. I feel like just taking a pregnancy test to expedite the heartbreak.
It’s my birthday month too. I can’t be spending the last year of my 20s in sadness. Next year I’ll be 30 still chasing after something that doesn’t want me. Last year, I started this journey, I was hoping it would be finished by this year.
How do I fucking make this baby? What do I need to do? How does everyone else do it? Am I missing something? Did I do something wrong? I think maybe I should stop trying. I can’t do IVF. I don’t want to do it. I really don’t.