I’m feeling joyful! To be honest, I never thought it possible for me to just meet someone and be so in like with them at first meeting. The last time that properly happened was with Jomi.
I’m actually glad. I never thought I’d be able to feel the same way again. Guess I am human after all. Even if nothing happens with me and this guy at least I know that the feelings will sprout for yet another guy.
Who knew that when I like someone I go quiet and conversation topics flutter right out my head. Love it!
I’m travelling up north to visit Sana at university today. It’s the university we both went to to do our undergraduates but shes back again to do her masters. It’ll be nice visiting the hilly city again and take a trip down memory lane. A lot of them will revolve around mine and Jomi’s relationship but it’s fine. It’ll make for some bittersweet moments.
* * *
Ok, back to this new guy. Right, so the thing is, he hasn’t got perfect teeth and his voice is pretty nasally but I completely saw past his society-based imperfections and fell head over heels in like with him.
I’m worried that I came across unlikable. Fuck this. If he doesn’t like me at my most confident, he doesn’t deserve me at my shyest.
* * *
It begins. The nostalgia. I’m on my way up north and its taking me back to times of love and friendship. I’m literally at the train station holding back the tears. But I can barely see right now because water is filling my eyes anyway.
I knew I was feeling sad but I didn’t know why. But now I know. The past always brings sorrow. Be it the longing of happier times or the heartache of harder days past.
I want love. It doesn’t come down to anything other than that. I want love. Wholeheartedly. I want to put my faith in forever with a single person. To see my future in their eyes, to feel it in the touch of their fingers, the beat of their heart. I want that.
I don’t want to cry in public but I’ve been taken back to a time when my life was filled with unshakable, unmovable love. And I can’t help but crave for something that wasn’t meant to be mine forever. I got a taster but the love, the one that’ll last an eternity, will soon come.
* * *
The train’s just gone passed his home town. I know it’s just a temporary feeling but this hurts so much! I really can’t hold these tears back. Everything just hurts. I miss my past terribly. I almost want to jump head first into a time machine and go back to a period that I forsook.
When will this stop sucking?