Journal, I feel like a failure.
Anyway, yesterday sucked. Telis basically called me dumb, but whatever. He was just joking but I was hurt so refused to speak to him and then he ran away and cried (literally), so I had to stop ignoring him.
But even more awkward was bumping into Igor in town on Wednesday while I was with Telis. I didn’t know how to react! I looked at him so I could smile reassuringly, not that that would do anything, but he wasn’t looking at me anyway. I felt bad. No one wants to see their ex happy with someone else, well maybe from a distance, after at least a year of grieving, but Igor and I happened not so long ago. I got over him pretty much immediately, I’m hoping it was the same for him.
Journal! I feel like a failure!!
I’m itching for success. Nothing I’ve done has made me hella successful. I feel like the clothing line won’t happen because I have no idea what sort of clothes to design. And I don’t want to do YouTube anymore. I’m just so stressed thinking about it. I don’t want to think about, but if I don’t, I’ll remain complacent and I’ll still be complaining about the same thing I’m complaining about now in a years’ time. I hate this.
I really want to start a business. So badly. I want to do my own thing and make my own money that way. I just don’t think I’ve found that killer idea that works for me. I can’t keep being a Jack of all trades, I need a focus. Maybe I should reconsider fashion design? I don’t know. I don’t want to think about it anymore.
I’ve been applying to jobs again. So many different types; engineering, marketing, brand manager. I really don’t know what I want. I revamped my resume again, however. Maybe this time, I’ll start getting responses. Let’s see.
Yesterday, I retook and passed the theory part of learning to drive. Now I can continue attempting to pass the driving test. I just want to achieve one more thing this year. Just one thing. I’m fed up of feeling like a failure who can’t make decisions for themselves.