Did I mention my ↂ1000 birthday spending budget? Well I have a ↂ1000 birthday spending budget!! You only turn 25 once and well, if you don’t spoil yourself, who will?
I’m at a point in my life where I’m not dependant on anyone to have my needs met so I’d happily splash the cash to keep myself… happy. I worked questionably hard for my money and it deserves to get spent on the best person I know.
There was a time when I used to be ridiculously self-deprecating. Now I try to say good things about myself and compliment myself when I can, which is basically always. I think I’m starting to annoy MrNovember with all the self-indulgence but, again, if I don’t compliment myself and make myself feel good about myself, who will? I’m just tired of life telling me I need to seek validation from elsewhere to feel good about myself when the best place to find it is from within.
I really am a happier and more wholesome person. I feel like I have everything I need from life. I’m content. And that in itself is success. And that’s exactly what I was aspiring to for my 25th-year-on-Earth milestone. I said, “by the time I’m 25, I want to be successful. Running a successful business, making money from it, even if it is just ↂ1 a year”. And even though I’m only making about ↂ30 a month from my business, it’s enough for me to feel successful. So I’ve ticked that box.
Life plans are dangerous though. I remember how I felt when I didn’t achieve a certain thing by a certain age. I’m never making a life plan with strict timelines again. I’m young, single and content. I know what I want from life and I will work towards achieving those goals but I will not fixate on a timeline. You’re only risking heartbreak and disappointment.
Detour!
Ok obvs gonna talk about MrNovember. I think this one might stick around beyond November so let’s rename him. He’s an amazing guy and an amazing guy deserves an amazing name. Let’s call him Igor. I’m a bit of a mad woman like Dr. Frankenstein and I’d rather a guy be my sidekick than my knight. So Igor it is!
I think about him and I get serious butterflies in my stomach. I really really really like him and it’s ridiculous because I don’t know why!!! It’s not even the sexual chemistry, he’s just a good guy and I enjoy his company. I really do want to sleep with him too, but I’ve seen how sex can change and ruin things – it’ll become less about getting to know each other and more about just fucking. When it changes from “fucking” to “sex” or “making love”, then I know I’ll be in a position to sleep with him. I’m not so emotionally connected to him that it’ll mean something more than just penis in vagina.
A few hours later…
Just spent the evening with Igor. We had dinner and basically fought over who was paying – he paid, annoyingly. I really wanted to at least pay half, I guess I’m just not used to a guy going all out constantly for me – monetarily of course. Do I have to repeat that I really like him? Because I do.
OMG I’M ALSO FUCKING FAT!!! If I start this rant, I won’t stop – so let’s move onto warmer and sunnier topics like Igor. I like him…