I’m a bad person right?
Well, I feel like a bad person.
Cryptically speaking, I feel like Melania Trump and not in a good way. Igor on the other hand is the Tom to my Summer ((500) Days of Summer Reference here). I feel bad.
I’m continuing to contradict myself with the life lessons I keep learning. And I did say that there were more things more important than the husk of our being but maybe I was wrong. Maybe perception is the beginning of reception. And because I don’t perceive, poor Igor doesn’t receive.
I don’t know what to do. I feel very nonchalant about the whole thing. I thought maybe that if things would, then I could, allowing what should.
I know, cryptic, cryptic. But I make sense to myself.
I’m a bad person. I’m giving this time and if the would doesn’t become the should then I will do the postponed inevitable.
* * *
I just feel like I can’t trust myself with decisions. It’s like the logical side of me says one thing but my subconscious psyche says another.
But some decisions in life should be based on logic. To be honest, no matter which way I try to see things, I only forsee a happy future with a person capable of fulfilling my every desire. I’m just a selfish bitch who can’t see past the metamorphosis of man, with only hopes that the cocoon will satiate her. I want to see the butterfly within. I want it to spread its wings and envelope me in its colours. I want it to take hold of my every breath and breathe into me sensations that I’ve never felt before.
But every time the butterfly tries to emerge from its enclosure it ruins that little bit of beauty I’ve tried to paint on a canvas of spun silks and life. I don’t like it.
Maybe the caterpillar is more beautiful than its winged counterpart.
I don’t know.