Phew! Well I got through that. It felt like hell in the moment but now I’m back to feeling absolutely fine. He can once again occupy my thoughts without it reducing me tears, #progress.
I went to church was Sana yesterday, well I was forced. Anyway I prayed for my heart to be healed and for true love to come my way. Losing someone is the worst thing to ever befall any human. It takes a lot to get through a loss and not mess up your life in the process. People turn to consumption, they spiral into depression. Things basically just get out of hand. It takes a lot. You think I don’t want a penis inside me right now? But I’m not about that self-destructive life.
So I briefly spoke to Cymric yesterday and once again I wonder; is he flirting or just being funny? I am not understanding!
Ok, the conversation:
Dera: Video chat later?
Cymric: No
Dera: Ok. Going bachata now anyway. Talk sometime next week.
Cymric: Yes
Dera: You want to use more than one word answers?
Cymric: Yes
Dera: Go ahead
Cymric: Ok, let the seducing begin
Dera: Alright begin
Cymric: I’ll tell you in person 😉
I am not understanding!
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I went to watch ‘A Quiet Place’ with Tank today, as best friends of course. It was a freaky movie. Many a time I found myself grabbing his arm. Needless to say, he didn’t mind. In fact he told me that he put his arm out because he knew I “might need it”. Right. Whatever.
Tank’s my new best friend. How exciting! I have a friend! Yay! He’s a good guy and he’s tolerable enough for me to want to actually spend time with him. And when we hugged goodbye he picked me up, then dropped me and I almost broke my ankle because he’s 6’7″ and that’s a very long drop.
Anyway, the Italian asked me out for Wednesday, he said he had something planned. I just hope it’s not a date because he’s like… old.
I do wonder who my forever person will be. I’m excited to find out. It’s definitely not going to be Cymric, Tank or the Italian. So I don’t think I’ve met him yet. But who knows? Either way I can’t wait. I just want to fall in love. That unconditional, all encompassing love that I once felt and had; I was reminded of it over the weekend, and I want it again. I’d almost forgotten how overwhelmingly beautiful it is to just love someone to the point where you’d move mountains for them.
I love loving. It makes me happy. I love giving. I love being a people-pleaser to the person whom I have chosen to please. I love just going above and beyond, seeing that I’m making someone happy. It’s all me and I want to share me with someone. I’m yet to meet anyone deserving and maybe it’ll be a while until it happens, but when it does, well, I’d have finally found my home.
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Hey! My meetup group has 35 members now! And I have 11 RSVP’d to the welcome event. Let life as an event planner begin!