Sunday, 18 March, 2018

It’s not fair. It’s not fair. I just want to be with someone I get along with. Someone who accepts me for me and doesn’t get annoyed at me for just being me.

It hurts so bad that I can’t make it work with him. That there’s always something new to argue about.

I just want to give up. I don’t want to be someone that someone else can’t stand.

I wanted to be with him this weekend. Spend time with him and make love and all that bullshit. But I’m here in my room, alone.

I have to put some distance between us or else we’ll argue. I just want to be with someone I get along with.

I don’t want to keep being sad with him.

I’m so upset.

He gave me an ultimatum today. He said I should stop causing a scene or leave him. And by causing a scene he probably meant I should stop being upset.

I’m so angry. I’m feeling my blood boil here. Maybe I should leave. Maybe I should. Time spent apart from him these few days and things were great. I spend less than a day with him and we’re back to square one. The usual Igor and Dera.

I just feel so alone. I don’t want to keep crying.

I just want to love and to be loved. I just want to be able to be loved for who I am. To not be questioned for who I am. To not be seen as not normal for who I am.

I don’t want to feel this way. Maybe I should go.