I just love him so much and it’s so fucking weird. I want him in all the ways that a person could want someone. I want him physically, sexually, emotionally… I want him as a lover, a partner, a friend… I want him. Full stop. He just understands me. I don’t know what it is. But he always knows what I want or what I mean. He knows why I do what I do and say what I say. He gets when I’m feeling insecure or why I’m about to run away. I just feel so accepted for who I am and it’s all I’ve ever wanted.
We are so connected. In body, in spirit and in mind. And we complement each other in all the best ways. I just don’t understand how life could get it so right. This is what happens when you stop searching for what you think is right for you and just let what’s meant to be happen.
I know I keep saying Telis isn’t my type but I can’t ever see how that is a bad thing. I feel like all the guys in my past have been emotionally closed off to me and if that’s my usual type, then hell, Telis is no way my type. He’s so open to me, he sees me and he wants me – he wants me more than I’ve ever been wanted by any guy in my whole life and it’s nice. He doesn’t take me for granted.
He’s always willing to indulge me, to listen to my dreams or the songs that I sing. Where, in the past, I was constantly being told to shut up, I’m now being encouraged to be as expressive as I want to be and even though I can’t sing for shit, he loves it when I do anyway. He just loves me for me. He doesn’t want to change me or stifle me. He’s not embarrassed by my childish antics in public and he doesn’t treat me like his toddler.
And we do things together! We’ve planned trips and he’s very proactive about organizing them. He offers suggestions and takes the lead.
He’s a fucking man. I am dating a fucking man.
I just love him. Maybe that’s why I fell in love with him so quickly; he’s just everything I’ve needed. I feel so lucky.
I was at a point where I thought Igor was everything and even though I was miserable with him, I just thought it was because I wasn’t over my past breakup. But the right person would never ever have you thinking about an ex. The right person would make you forget an ex because they’d make you feel all kinds of special. But I was so lonely with him! I felt so alone and longed for something familiar to hold on to. I never wanted my ex, but half love was better than none and even though Igor and I did have good sex, that was not enough. He was never right for me, and yes, I still feel stupid for thinking that he was but you live and you learn, eh?
And, of course I still worry that I’ll get it wrong again! But I can’t be this happy and think that I’m failing. Telis has never made me sad. He’s just great. I think the only way he could break my heart is if he cheated or died, and I don’t think any of those will be happen (well, the cheating; never. The dying; for at least another 70 years).
I’m 25. I’m not so old that I can say that I’ve experienced everything life and love has to offer but I’ve experienced enough. Jomi was my first proper boyfriend, the friendship and the love was there and it was beautiful, so precious. Igor was my second (and worst) boyfriend and the sex was there but we just weren’t friends.
But Telis, Telis I didn’t choose, not initially. He’s the one guy where I didn’t think, ‘yeah, I want to date him.’ He picked me and he knew he wanted me. So maybe that’s why things are different. Maybe that’s why I’m so in love with him. Because he is mature enough to understand who he is and the sort of woman that’s right for him. And so with Telis, the friendship, the love and the sex is there. It’s so complete, what we share, and I don’t think I’ll have any need to worry that I’ll be wrong again because I already know that what him and I have right here, it’s forever.
So, maybe he is my type after all and everyone else has just been wrong for me…
Who knows?
* * *
I’m so consumed by my love for him: it’s disgusting. It’s even making me fart. Yes, that’s still nowhere near as disgusting as this over-consuming love, I know.
We were talking baby names tonight. I’ve started putting together a list. We’re so cute! I can’t wait for my parents to meet him. I think they’d really like him. I really like him. I feel like I’m in an adult relationship, it’s amazing. I’m going to Google what an adult relationship is like just to make sure we’re doing things properly because the internet never lies, right?! Ha!
From what I’ve read, it seems that Telis and I are doing things in the wrong order. At this stage we definitely shouldn’t have spoken about marriage and kids; that should come after at least year together. Our Facebook officialdom has also come about four months too early. BORING! I’m going to create my own timeline:
Week 1 – Week 2
- First few dates
- First kiss
Week 3
- Have sex
- Make it official
Week 6
- Meet friends
Week 12
- Say I love you
Ok this is boring, but basically, we fall in love and live happily ever after, kids and all, within six months. The end. And yes, I’m a unique kind of human with a gestation period of only three months, so this is indeed a realistic timeline for me. Goodnight!
I said goodnight!
* * *
I’m feeling again. I don’t know when I started feeling again. I felt nothing for the longest time and suddenly I’m overwhelmed by all my emotions for this guy. When did this happen? How did this happen? He broke through to me and I didn’t even realise… Huh…
Telis is the only guy to properly pursue me. He basically took the lead during our early days of dating. He’d ask me out on follow-up dates at the end of each date. He’d message me first. He’d buy me gifts. And even though I rejected him several times, he’d keep up his persistence. He wouldn’t take no for an answer ever and yet, no was the only answer I’d give him. Capturing my affections couldn’t have been easy for him but he did it anyway. He asked me to give him a chance, and with every intension of not fully following through with it, I did.
And he’s the best thing to have ever happened to me.
That’s what men need to do. I don’t think they really do that anymore; pursue women. You know, prove to them that they’re seriously interested and are really into them. It would save hearts from fuck-boys.
I think he’s my guy. He knew right away that I was for him and he wouldn’t let me get away. But he still completely respected my space and boundaries and helped tease my heart out of its cage. Amazing! A man!
My man!