Despite TLC’s heeding, I’ve been chasing waterfalls and avoiding the rivers and lakes that I’ve been used to and I’m loving it! No further elaboration needed.
It was Igor’s 28th birthday this week. He’s actually the oldest guy I’ve ever dated, on account of my two exes only being a year older than me.
We both took the Friday and Monday off work and spent the long weekend together. It was nice. We actually really get along. Our relationship dynamic is an interesting one, at least when compared to my relationship with my ex. Now, I don’t want to take away from either relationship because they involve two completely different people but from what I’ve simply observed, with my ex, we were more friends than lovers as opposed to me and Igor who are equally friends and lovers. Igor and I are getting to know each other both romantically and amicably and that’s something I haven’t had a chance to experience before. That’s not to say it’s a bad thing, it actually really fun and intense. I’m enjoying it.
We’re both serious about each other and I like the thought of being with him for a long time. I’m going to Google whether or not I’m crazy to think he’s my forever-person so early in the relationship; I really feel like I need to justify myself, but I just know. I get this feeling and it just feels right. Everything feels like it’s leading to a very predictable point. A point where we fall in love and live happily ever after. If only I felt half the confidence I feel for this relationship in my ex relationship, maybe I’d still be getting married. But actually no, because I wouldn’t have met Igor and he’s worth the heartbreak I went through to eventually find him.
He really is special. On Saturday night, I almost died (being the drama queen I am, that’s translation for, ‘I wasn’t even remotely close to death’). I’d gone to see my favourite band live and there was a lot of jumping and head banging. Suffice it to say, my little body couldn’t take all that loss of energy, and considering I hadn’t really eaten or drunk much that day (silly me), I almost fainted on the train home. It was bad; a wave of dizziness suddenly overcame me, I felt sick and could barely hold myself up. I started to sweat and had to sit on the train floor before I collapsed. Igor started fussing over me but I was borderline dead to even register it. He was sweet and he looked after me, bought me McDonald’s and everything.
But that’s actually the first time in my life that I’ve felt vulnerable. I’ve never been through a tragic near death incident and I’ve never had my body fail me. Ever. It’s so easy to feel invincible. Like you’re above death. But having my body react adversely to something as trivial as being exhausted exposed how helpless we humans really are. The experience was so revealing.
I’m fine now though!
My childhood friend Poppy came along with Igor and I to see my fave band. It was amazing!! They were amazing!!! I’m still buzzing over it. Loved it! I met Poppy at school when I was nine and we’ve been friends ever since. She’s actually the longest friend I’ve ever had and considering I’m pretty rubbish at keeping friends, it’s lovely that we’ve been able to maintain a level of familiarity all these years. I definitely need to keep in touch because I need to be a bridesmaid in at least one person’s wedding, and having a very small number of female friends makes that difficult.
Ok, so after consulting Google about whether if ‘knowing someone is the one right away’ is hella crazy, I’ve concluded that it is, in fact, not. ‘Just knowing’ is enough of an indication that the person you are with could be your forever-person. Igor isn’t perfect. He isn’t even everything I dreamed of. He’s not my conventional “type” either (whatever that is). He was so unexpected I had to pinch myself to see if this was for real. But what he is is he’s perfect for me. The way he makes me feel and his ability to make me feel safe and valued. Being with him isn’t stressful. It’s always so easy and I can relax around him and just be. I’m at peace and my gut isn’t clawing away at my heart over how wrong he is for me because he’s perfect. For me.
This is not a case of me liking him too much or me putting too much hope into him. I need to remain pragmatic, which I think I have. And from this position I can see that I’m judging things fairly. I’m not in love with him, nor am I obsessed but I like him and know enough about him to gauge whether he’s right for me or not. Plus this is the last time I’ll ignore my intuition. Intuition says forever-person, I say ok!
Intuition says forever-person. I say ok!
Intuition says forever-person.
I say ok!
Ok!
Not that I want to bring it back to sex. But let’s talk about sex. Actually it’s not really about the sex, it’s about mine and Igor’s relationship and how fun we are together. On his birthday we went out for dinner and both came back extremely full and lethargic. Now, I’m a big believer of birthday sex and it’s a yearly ritual that must be performed without fail (even though I’ve never actually had sex on my birthday).
So both Igor and I were incapacitated by food, I insisted we still have sex. We both laid there with our full bellies exposed and casually hanging out while neither of us made any effort to move.
I said to him, “babe, we need to have sex” despite not making an attempt to actually have sex.
He replied “babe, we can’t. I’m so full”, to which I replied, “it doesn’t matter, just get hard and I’ll do all the work”.
He then went on to say, “How about putting in just the tip and then we can say I had birthday sex?”. I agreed to the proposition and then we burst out into hysterics and remained idle. I eventually reached out a lazy hand to work some life into his penis.
We continued to be silly. Until sex actually happened and then concluded in a fit of laughter.
Basically, we have fun together and even sex can be a source of banter when not taken so seriously. He said it was the funnest sex he’s ever had. And that’s why we’re good together. We don’t take ourselves seriously and so everything is just natural and exciting.
Ugh.
That’s my first reaction when thinking about my mother. She insisted I call her, making it seem like it was paramount like there was something important to discuss only for it to be for gossip purposes.
Ok backstory. So my exes aunt called me on the weekend and I ignored her call because there is no way I am having yet another discussion as to why my ex and I aren’t together anymore. I’m tired of people not allowing me to move on. Why must this be a revolving topic of conversation in my life. It’s frustrating. I want to move forward, not go back. So why can’t I be left in peace?
Anyway, my mum only called me to find out what my exes aunt had said. Well good thing I didn’t pick up the phone then, because that was a conversation that I just wouldn’t be having. But that wasn’t the last of it. She then started interrogating me about the guy in my WhatsApp profile picture. She asked his name, where he was from, what he did, whether he was my boyfriend. She also said that me and him were living together, which isn’t true at all and at this point I just didn’t want to talk to her anymore. She told me to let her know how things develop. Nope.
But actually, my life is pretty great. I’m happy. Content. Everything is developing nicely. I’m pleased. Here’s to the future!
* * *
I recently found out that a guy I went to university with passed away. He went missing for a few weeks and it wasn’t until I did some digging around that I found out that his body had been discovered. It’s a very saddening situation and I just want to say a few words for him. I’m not going to change his name out of respect for him and the memory of him.
Matthew and I were friends, albeit briefly. We spoke quite a bit and he had a lot of funny things to say. His wonderful candour made it easy to talk to him and he was always eager to get to know you. He made the best out of what life threw at him and did so with a smile on his face. I wish I had replied to the very last message he sent me. I wish that maybe I could have been warmer and friendlier but life happens and life took him away. Rest in perfect peace Matthew. You were a good person with a good heart. I’m so sorry this had to happen to you. I’d like to say more but words won’t be able to convey the sadness I feel at your passing. Rest in peace.
Life is so fragile. So, so fragile. I know too many young people that have died this year. People that I’ve known personally and although I may complain about being old, being 25, not many people get the chance to see another year. Every day is precious and we should be grateful for each one we get. Being old isn’t a curse because being dead is much worse. I just thank God for my health and for where I am. I don’t want anymore people dying. God, please keep us all safe.