I had to leave for the sake of my mental health. I realised the relationship triggers me so much. I was reading up on emotional triggers and came across this:
No matter how minor or irrational the issue seems to you, ignoring or minimizing, cutting your partner off mid-sentence, countering with your own complaint or opinion, or worst of all calling your partner crazy will trigger the feeling that you don’t respect your partner. It doesn’t matter if you do respect your partner. And it doesn’t matter what you did yesterday to show it. Bring that up, and you’ll trigger a follow-up explosion, because now you want credit for your generous, loving, and selfless gift.
Also, be aware that offering to make amends or fix a problem without fully hearing the problem has the same effect as dismissing the problem. And sometimes, a minor problem doesn’t require a response—only a patient, listening ear and acknowledgment of your partner’s feelings.
Dismissal triggers a predictable, destructive pattern of dysfunctional communication that worsens conflict by attempting to avoid it.
That’s basically me and Igor. I don’t think I can be with him. It’s not his fault. He just doesn’t know what he’s unintentionally doing to me. If I try and tell him, he’ll think I’m blaming him and it’ll turn into an argument. And arguments are the last thing I need right now – they only add to the problem.
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My triggers are mine and mine alone. It’s something that I need to deal with if I want to be with him. But to avoid being continuously set off I need time away from this relationship, it’s not good for me.