Whoa. I find myself reading the book he bought me and writing notes because I don’t want to forget any important points for when I discuss it with him. I am so excited to discuss a book! This level of intellectualism is what I live for. I love it! I’m looking forward to seeing him today. To all the things we could talk about.
Is this what I could potentially anticipate in married life? Granted I meet the right person of course, is this how fun it could be? I really want this in my future. I just feel so understood. It’s amazing. There’s nothing warmer than meeting like-minded people, it makes me feel like there may be a home for me on this rock we call Earth after all.
Little family trips to the library. RPG game nights. Comic con and cosplay. Anime binging. I live for it all. That’s my idea of life. A good life. The simple things. Living our truth and loving it. I’d love to share that with someone. I can’t wait. I’m itching for it.
It’s about time I wrote that list of what I want in a husband.
Let’s go!
Personal traits
- Patient
- Thoughtful
- Selfless
- Forward thinking
- Pragmatic
- Honest
- Playful
- Laidback
- Logical
- Slow to anger
- Impartial
- Emotionally open
- Attentive
- Courageous
- Confident
- Tolerant
- Reasonable
- Doesn’t hold grudges
- Understanding
- Respectful
- Independent
- Decisive
- Social
- Ambitious
- Takes responsibility for actions
- Loyal
- Dependable
- Intelligent
- Encouraging
- Reliable
- Humble
Interests
- Books – any kind
- Games
- Comics
- Anime
- Music concerts
- Philosophy
- Psychology
- Self-development
- Keeping fit
- Me
I have resolved to stop feeling so worried and accept that it’s ok to get things wrong sometimes. I can’t always be perfect. I haven’t felt anxiety since accepting this. If anything, I’m excited. I have faith in myself and the universe. We’ve got this! Sometimes I do get a niggling feeling that I’m going to fuck up somehow, but I’ll keep ignoring it and continue to live in the present.
* * *
We met up.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to not have sex with him. We need to stop being in each others homes. When we kiss, It’s like a fire consuming my body. I end up breathless and have to exhale slowly as not to give my arousal away. Hey, well at least the sexual chemistry is there.
I’m still wary of him. He kisses me too much. That’s not a bad thing, but kissing him is dangerous, as I’ve told him, because one thing will inevitably lead to another. This is a test of will. I’ve said no sex and so no sex I’ll have!
I just need us to take it slow. Like really slow. I don’t know how ready I am to commit to another person with my whole heart especially if my heart itself isn’t whole. I feel like I don’t want to do this anymore.
I’m scared that things have reached their peak already and will now plateau.
What am I thinking? Because I’m definitely thinking, and it’s leaving me a little deflated.
I felt like I couldn’t be natural today. It was easy when potentially dating wasn’t an expectation. Now I’m policing my thoughts and actions. It’s easy to be free when friendship is the only prospect of a relationship.
Plus I lost the book that he gave me. Annoying.
I give up.