My last day at Company H has come and gone and I’m out here living my best life until…
Cymric messages me.
Yeah, he messaged me on Monday and I was fucking pissed!
We agreed we’d go our separate ways. Cut ties completely. After what happened, we just couldn’t be friends anymore and then he has the cheek to be all up on my phone like, ‘Hey Dera, I haven’t heard from you like in forever!’ Like excuse me? Like what? Like GTFOH!
About you haven’t heard from me. We said our goodbyes. I wrote you a fucking essay. It’s not like we casually stopped talking just to pick up from where we left off. Motherfucker.
And get this: he’ll be back in the country next year. So now I’m suddenly someone worth knowing. Fuck him. He can’t just reinsert himself into my life after I had my heart broken! Men are trash. Just wait until he finds out I’m getting married. Loser.
That being said, I saw a girl in Jomi’s WhatsApp profile pic. I think it’s his new girlfriend and I’m so happy for him but I’m especially curious! But curious in a way where you’re so close to someone that you’re invested in their lives and you want to know that they’re happy and they’ve found something good. I hope she’s everything he couldn’t find in me. I only ever wish him happiness – he’s a good guy and he deserves it.
My last day at Company H was so uneventful. I only shed a tear when saying goodbye to Tank, but the good news is, he’s applied for a job at Company A and they’re interested in him so we could be colleagues again soon!
Now something sad. On Tuesday, the day I left Company H, one of the security personnel at work passed away. I was hearing from my sources that something was happening outside the company building and there were ambulances and police everywhere. We just thought some poor person was suffering from heat stroke and that they’d be fine, until I was told that they’d passed away. Then I found out it was someone I knew. And my heart broke. And I cried. And that night, I went to bed and I cried some more.
Like, how do you just die?! How do you wake up one morning not knowing that day will be your last? How? He wasn’t old. He wasn’t sick. He wasn’t a bad person. How does that happen to someone? How can you just have the life taken from you like that? No preamble. Nothing. Just gone! How?!
I am so saddened and shocked. May his soul rest in peace.
I’m trying to get back into my hobby. I have a new direction for where I want to take things and I’m really excited about it. Let’s see how it works out.
I’ve been having feelings of being undeserving. My new salary at Company A is crazy and I feel like I negotiated for far too much money even though I’m under qualified. I just feel like a fluke. I know I should believe in my abilities but I just can’t see where I’ve excelled in work that says that what I’m earning is right to be on par with that. And I understand that I wasn’t hired for my technical abilities but it’s still an engineering role and I haven’t been an engineer in a while. Yes, my soft skills are strong and yes, technical knowledge can be learnt but I’m just 26. I’m literally in the top 10% of earners in the country.
Now, couple my salary to Telis‘ and we’re earning hella money. We’ll be ready to put down a deposit on a big house in about two years and we won’t struggle to save up a good amount.
I am highly blessed and ridiculously fortunate and I am happy. My life has just gotten better and better since I’ve been with Telis and now that things have properly settled for me, I can now focus on myself and my interests. Maybe I’ll go back to the gym because my boobs are getting too big and my thighs rub.
I really am skinny fat. How am I able to maintain the same clothes size for years, still have a flat stomach, still wear crop tops and short shorts and yet still be so fucking fat. It makes no sense. Anyone who sees me will think I”m small but underneath my skin is layer upon layer of fat. God help me. I really don’t like what I see in the mirror.
Drama drama with Kirby and his new girlfriend. My God.
So I had a BBQ some weekends ago and Kirby and his girlfriend attends. All is well and good and everyone has fun and then they all go their separate ways. A few days later, I have Kirby’s girlfriend messaging me on Messenger. Apparently, during the BBQ, she noticed Kirby continuously looking me up and down whenever I walked by and they had an argument about it. Cool. Then apparently Kirby kept making comments, comparing her to me. Cool. And she wanted to know from me if Kirby had ever expressed any feelings towards me because if he had, she was going to walk away. Cool.
Long story short, I reassured her that he had never explicitly said he liked me and that I think it was more about Kirbys perception of my life and how that made him feel about his own. I explained that I’m one of his only friends and that he probably sees me as an anchor because I was there during a very difficult period of his life. I told her if she’s hurting that she should leave him but she’s not going to because she likes him. The end.
Poor chica. I did ask Kirby about how things were going with him and his girlfriend and he told me about the incident, so at least he was honest about it. The only thing he didn’t mention was that the girl he was checking out was me. Ha! But I knew!
It’s 2am, so I should get some sleep. I don’t want to get into the habit where I sleep too late because I’m on a break from work.
See ya!