Today I was completely honest with Igor and told him that I’d lost hope in our relationship. I’m tired of holding back my truth and have it eat me up inside because I want to preserve someone else’s feelings.
I just needed him to know how I felt. I don’t want to be inadvertently lying to him. He asked me if I was still attracted to him and I told him that I liked him as a person but the feelings that I had at the beginning have gone now.
I let him know that I didn’t want to lie to him and let him think everything is perfect with us when my heart isn’t in it. However, I’m willing to see if anything will change but I’m not promising him that things will change. I’ll stay for now and see what transpires but as far as I can see, I’m just not that into him (anymore). There’s too much bad blood between us and it’s hard to let go of the rockiness of our very young relationship.
Cymric on the other hand…
Today he asked me to do a personality test to find out what personality type I am. I’ve done them many times and already knew what I was. I’m an ENFP. Cymric is an INTJ and you’ll never guess the natural partner for an INTJ? An ENFP! (And vice versa of course). He sent it to me saying “I guess this is how we managed to be friends”, to which I replied, “Told you you’d marry me”. Yeah yeah, flirty flirty but it makes sense. I can see it. Cymric is a very private person and he’s not wont to being open and friendly to people who he doesn’t genuinely care about. But the fact that he openly welcomed the idea of me visiting him in his home country, staying at his place, taking the day off for me and even making plans for my time there shows that I actually mean something to him.
In fact, he’s the first friend that I’ve ever travelled to visit. I don’t even visit friends in the same country as me but I’m taking a whole plane to go and see this guy. There’s definitely something there. I don’t want to jump and make assumptions but looking back, I’ve seen how I’ve been a calming force to him and him to me. He infuriates me but when we make up it feels really good. I get to see a side of him that people seldom see. He sort of reminds me of my ex fiancé. Except my fiancé took the whole emotionally detachment to a whole new level that affected our romantic relationship.
But it doesn’t matter. I have a boyfriend and I respect our relationship enough to not entertain the idea of another guy just yet. If I want to pursue anything with Cymric, I’ll end it with Igor. But the way things are going, I don’t see us lasting for very long.
But let’s see…