I’ve finally spoken to the aunty of whom shall not be mentioned as this is an ex-free zone. She pleaded for me to reconsider taking him back. I said “ok”, which actually meant “no way on God’s good planet will I subject myself to your sadistic desire”. So that’s that.
Also, the person whom shall not be mentioned and I were both carriers of the sickle cell anemia disease. That’s a stress that helped put me in my dark place. Knowing that there was a high chance you could create unhealthy children with someone and having to potentially make a decision to abort the child or bring a very sick baby into the world. It was horrible. IVF looked like the only sane option and it would cost us a lot of money… Just to conceive a child. Something that should be natural, but not always is, and it’s so unfortunate. The idea of artificially creating a baby hurt me so bad and so my heart goes out to women who struggle to conceive naturally, the burden is real.
There are just so many reasons I can’t go back to that relationship. It was so wrong for me. So many things weren’t right. And I’m not going fool myself into thinking that I’m above any problems I have in a relationship, especially when it starts to affect me in adverse ways. All I want is to be happy.