Did I ever tell the story of how Igor completely destroyed our friend Casper’s ignorance coated racism with cherries on top?
Casper, Igor and I were all at dinner together at a restaurant. I can’t entirely remember but I think Casper was going on about how black people were druggies or drug dealers or something nonsensical like that. I just sat there feeling ridiculously uncomfortable and being super quiet. I wasn’t ready to fight with my friend especially not in a restaurant. Then Igor jumped in. Using intelligence, carefully crafted colloquialisms and a touch of overt conscientiousness he completely shut Casper down. Trust me, my boy shut that shit down! Saying it was unfair of him to lump black people into a category that involved other races, such as white people (because white people do drugs too!)
He went on and on, discrediting Casper with every word uttered out of that beautiful mouth of his and I just sat there saying absolutely nothing, because I’m not the type to get into conflicts surrounding socioeconomic issues. To be honest I should have spoken up for myself but I just didn’t want to start spewing unintelligible bullshit.
Then my boyfriend grabbed my hand under the table and held them tight because he knew. He just knew. He knew how I was feeling and he did his best to defend and comfort me in that moment. And although I felt awkward, I was grateful for him. We weren’t even official at this point but he still did that for me.
Where did this story come from? Well, I was reading a reddit post from a black girl dating a white guy. He took her home to meet his family who were just blatantly racist. Instead of defending her and her feelings, he told her she was overreacting over the offence she had taken. And then I thought about what Igor did for me and I knew that if I was ever in a situation like that, he’d support me 100%.
He’s a good guy. I need to stop doubting what we have. I’ve literally been served everything I want in a man on a golden platter. Like, what more do you want you ungrateful son of a bitch?!
Not many people of colour (POC) are fortunate to have receptive non-POC partners. I am ridiculously lucky. Why?
- He hasn’t once fetishized me. He’s definitely aware that I’m black but he has never referred to my blackness in any way pertaining to my sexuality.
- When I told him that something he said could be construed as racist he immediately said he would stop and he hasn’t once repeated it. Not even by accident.
- He’s happy to be seen with me in public. In fact, the PDA might be a bit too much. He kisses me, holds my hand, puts his arms around me and other nauseating shit like that.
- His family and friends knew about me almost immediately. Like I met his friend literally the day after we started hanging out. He told his brother about me a week after that and even made me video chat with both his brother and best friend.
- When I was teaching him about black stuff, like hair care, he listened attentively and was very responsive to what I was explaining.
- He’s happy to take pictures with me and have pictures of me on his phone. I know that’s silly, but some men are 50 shades of crazy.
- I suspect he was extra cautious about touching my braids incase I got offended or maybe he was just perplexed by them. Either way he never felt the need to unnecessarily touch my hair.
- He doesn’t ask me stupid and ignorant questions about my blackness.
- There is longevity to our relationship.
- Everything feels right. Nothing feels off and I think this is what mostly seals the deal for me. Like there’s literally no red flags.
And that’s why, despite his race, because his race is the least important thing to me, I’m going to marry him.