There’s a fifth coincidence!
I completely forgot about it because why would I want to think about Igor. Igor was a semi-professional poker player, as was Telis. How many people play poker professionally?!
I was a bit perplexed as to why he shared nothing in common with Igor, I mean, the universe doesn’t miss a beat – every guy that I’ve spent romantic time with (where sex wasn’t the only factor) was somehow also linked to Telis, Igor not excluded. And the thing is, Telis did mention to me the poker thing on the Friday night that we went out and I did think of Igor in the moment, but who wants to ruin their mood with thoughts of Igor? So I forgot all about it almost immediately. All these coincidences came to light on that Friday. Nothing else has been revealed since then.
It took an effort for me to actually get the story out yesterday. I felt so awkward basically telling a guy a tale of how we are predestined to be together. But I eventually told it, albeit from a 3rd person’s perspective – I needed to completely remove myself from the narrative. I stood up in front of him as if I was giving a presentation then paced around the room as I recounted fact after fact. It was fun.
Yesterday was nice. We went out to dinner and he let me pay. Then we went back to his place and just chatted. We talked loads actually. And did sexual stuff… I ended up leaving his place past 1am. Me shutting down last night, it wasn’t so much that I was upset that things went further, it’s just that there’s a certain level of vulnerability required for naked cuddles and I wasn’t in a position to share myself with someone. Being intimate is hard. I still like him but I’m still very cautious. My heart is on the line.
He asked me out for Friday. I don’t know if I should meet up with him, I’m already seeing him on Sunday AND Monday. Except on Monday we’ll be in a group setting because I’ll be hosting another meetup. I’ll think about it.
Speaking of meetup, I’m going comic con! And I’ll definitely be cosplaying too! I can’t wait! I’ve created a meetup around it so my members and I can go together in a group! Telis is coming too! And Brown – I wonder how he’d feel about me having a white boyfriend. It’s none of his business anyway!
But do I have to date him? I don’t want to. I just want to be alone.
Boo…
* * *
As if to answer my own musings, I decided not to see Telis tomorrow, I want to keep our meetings to maximum twice a week. If we start seeing each other regularly then it’ll become and thing and I don’t think I’m ready for something fast paced. Also, I did tell Brown about Telis and he didn’t care. So there we go!
Remember the story I wrote about cladding my heart in armour? I showed it to Telis yesterday and sent it to him today as a “gift”. It’s a nice story and at least he’ll have something to remember me by if this doesn’t work out.
I have my quote of the month for June, ‘You’re becoming my peace of mind’ – Telis. How sweet is that?! He said that in response to his comment, ‘I too struggle at times, I just don’t show it.’ So comforting.
I want to think about him and I. About how I feel about him. I know I think too much. I should stop thinking and just feel what I feel. I feel like I don’t know him and I am not comfortable enough to be intimate with him. It’s still early days. This will take a while…