Journal, what the actual flying fuck is happening?
It’s 1:30am on CD (cycle day) 22 of my cycle and my period has started. The spotting started on CD21, confusing the fuck out me and now it looks like it’s a full blown period.
To be honest, this cycle has been a hot mess. I had spotting from CD10 to CD13 – I have no idea why. And then I got ovulation pain for a week straight starting on CD13 – I have no idea why. And then my boobs got crazy sore crazy fast – AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!
I’m not even sure I ovulated. I had a transvaginal scan on CD12, which showed a 20mm dominant follicle and no obvious reasons as to why I was spotting, so I’m guessing it’s all hormonal? The last time I had a 21 day cycle was when I took the emergency contraceptive pill – so back then, I HAD AN IDEA WHY!
We wanted to start an IUI cycle but looks like that’s getting postponed as my period is early and I don’t have my drugs yet!
What a fun way to start the new year.
Telis‘ parents are here from Telisland. They’ve been here a while now and helped us fix a new light in the dining room as well as paint some walls. They’ve been a delight to have!
I am somehow living a life outside of trying to conceive, believe it or not, although sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.
Telis and I will be starting a very low calorie diet with meal replacement shakes, soups, bars and snacks. I’ve put back on all the weight I lost and maybe being sexy again will make me feel a bit better about myself.
Although Telis does need to lose weight, it doesn’t seem to be impacting his sperm. His most recent semen analysis was amazing! The best he’s ever had. I’m proud of him for keeping on top of the vitamins but it just confirms that the problem lies with me.
We’ll be doing a medicated IUI cycle. They’ll put me on letrozole, which will hopefully strengthen my eggs, then I’ll hopefully have a hCG trigger shot administered, then once I’ve ovulated I’ll be on progesterone pessaries. I’m really hoping that whatever issue I have that’s making me infertile is mostly hormonal and not physiological. I’m seriously pinning all my hopes on that because if it’s hormonal, that’s already half the battle won as it’s an easy fix (I hope).
I just feel like as time goes on, I’m getting further and further away from fertility and closer and closer to infertility. My cycles clearly don’t seem to be conducive to getting pregnant and I feel like ever since we started trying, everything has just been getting worse. I sometimes just want to give up. If we’re lucky enough to conceive one child, I don’t think I’d like to try again for a sibling. My only chance for more than one child is if I’m fortunate enough to have multiples at once. If not, then I’m sticking to one.
What a sad, sad life. Amongst all my blessings (that I mustn’t ignore) is still a sad, sad life.
Happy Fucking New Year.